Of My Love/Hate Relationship With Cyberspace and Elves by Molly MacDonald

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Aug 23
Of My Love/Hate Relationship With Cyberspace and Elves by Molly MacDonald via @scottmacnotes #cyberspace #love #hate

There are many things I love about computers and cyberspace. F’rinstance, being able to FaceTime or Zoom with our scattered kids and grands is wonderful.

Out of the blue, 6-year-old Molly will get loose on her Dad’s cell phone and FaceTime me, offering to give me a tour of her house. She always offers to give me a tour of her house, and I’m always happy to watch. She seems to place special emphasis on the toilets in the house, returning to them often and specifying which toilet belongs to whom. I suspect she may wish to be a plumber someday.

Her tours also feature long, jerky views of ceilings and floors, depending on her navigational skills from room to room. It’s best to take a Dramamine pill before touring with Molly.

As I said, there are many things I love about computers and cyberspace. There are also many things I hate about computers and cyberspace. Namely, I understand very little about what makes them work. Elves, I think. And so, when they don’t work the way I think they should, I get upset. As in, furious. As in, stamping my foot and using language my mother would frown upon.

When trying to remedy whatever glitch has arisen, I am suddenly confronted with a foreign language. Here are some direct quotes: “Malware, DNS cache, maintenance scripts, space lens, RAM, cookies.” Okay, I know what cookies are, at least the chocolate chip kind, but I have a hunch the cyber-elves aren’t talking about those kind of cookies.

I have no idea what kind of cookies they are talking about.

I probably wouldn’t need to know what any of those terms mean if there were someone in the house, like an 8-year-old, who could navigate cyber-speak. Seamus, my newly-adopted German Shepherd, refuses to comment when I shout, “Why in blazes has the computer eaten my last four emails?”

In addition to my computer, I have an iPad, which is wonderful.

Until it isn’t.

It’s very sensitive and throws a tantrum if I accidentally tap the wrong key. Or icon. Or whatever I’m supposed to tap.

I know just how Winnie the Pooh feels when he describes himself sadly as A Bear of Very Little Brain.

If only I had Piglet or Christopher Robin here to make me feel better.


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