Of the Devil’s Invention, Strong Words, and Such by Molly MacDonald

Ink Spots

May 24
Of the Devil’s Invention, Strong Words, and Such by Molly MacDonald via @scottmacnotes #FlexTape #birdbath #scissors

I had a wrestling match last week with something called Flex Tape. I lost. Furthermore, I also lost three pairs of scissors and my temper.

Flex Tape is the devil’s invention.

It all started with a leaky birdbath. Last year, I managed to repair the leaks with some kind of caulking. It held all summer but, alas, this year the birdbath leaked like the proverbial sieve. Someone who was trying to be helpful suggested Flex Tape, so I sent for some.

It came with all sorts of promises written on the label. It did suggest using “a good pair of scissors,” or better yet, a razor, to cut the tape. Okay, I’m smart enough to realize my using a razor to cut anything isn’t a very good idea, unless I don’t care about slicing off several fingers.

So, armed with what I consider a good pair of scissors, I stood at the birdbath and opened the tape. My scissors weren’t considered good enough by the Flex Tape, which immediately latched onto them and twisted them up, never to be heard from again.

Enter the second pair of scissors. Same scenario.

Enter the third pair which also bit the dust, after allowing me only about seven inches of usable tape to be applied to the crack. That proved to be not enough. Not nearly enough. The birdbath leaked water with such abandon, the birds could have stood under it for a shower instead of trying to bathe in the bowl.

During this hour-long fiasco, my statue of St. Francis stood gamely nearby, trying to ignore my ever-increasingly vocal displeasure with Flex Tape. Our children have said their sainted mother never swore until I took up, for a couple of years, golf. However, once learned, the words come more readily out of my mouth in moments of acute stress.

When I finally gave up trying to patch the birdbath, I apologized to St. Francis, but told him he probably would also have been driven to strong language had Flex Tape existed in his time.

What am I going to do with the birdbath? So glad you asked. Soon it will be home to the kind of flowers that bloom in my window box. You know, the kind that don’t need to be watered or cared for at all. Because I’m that kind of gardener.

Also, apparently, that kind of Flex Tape user.

Sigh.

Of the Devil’s Invention, Strong Words, and Such by Molly MacDonald via @scottmacnotes #FlexTape #birdbath #scissors That’s St. Francis, bottom right, stoically ignoring the
three pairs of deceased scissors over his head.
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