Don’t you hate it when some research firm, probably with nothing better to do, determines that something you have loved for years is very bad for your health?
I can just see a roomful of bored scientists sitting at a conference table and tossing around the names of various desserts, candies, whatever. And then, stroking their handlebar mustaches, they shriek gleefully, in unison, “Let’s go after this one!”
Their latest targets, according to something I read on Facebook and wish I hadn’t, are Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. I love Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. I have always loved Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.
According to the wretched article, these heaven-on-earth treats have a couple of ingredients with unpronounceable names that might not be good for us. Then, to add insult to injury, the sanctimonious scientists assure us that all is not lost.
Voilà, they exclaim, trying ever so hard to represent themselves as the goody two-shoes that they are not, “We can help you.”
They then proceeded to lay out in miserable detail a recipe for homemade organic peanut butter cups. Seriously? I read through the recipe and determined it would require me to spend at least three hours in the kitchen measuring, pouring, stirring, baking and stirring some more and pouring some more until I collapsed on the floor and screamed “Uncle.”
I wish I could have been in that conference room when those nosy scientists thought up their nefarious scheme to cast aspersions on Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Although I’m not normally confrontational, I think in this instance I would strike my best pugnacious pose and demand that they pick on someone their own size. I’ll bet they would wilt immediately, since, like lots of bullies, they’ve probably never been challenged. So they would whine and ask me who they should pick on.
Brussel Sprouts, I would answer quickly. And Beets. And Prunes. And Raisins.
That should keep them busy for a decade or so.
Meanwhile, if you’ll excuse me, I need to run to the store. One can’t, after all, write about Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups without sampling at least three.
And I’ll just pretend that dumb article never existed. Or, like my favorite philosopher, Scarlett O’Hara, I’ll think about that tomorrow.