The Next Big Thing: A Can’t Miss Product


Jun 14
The Next Big Thing: A Can’t Miss Product by @scottmacnotes #NextBigThing #product #satire

A Potential New Breakthrough Product!

I was talking with my friend David Cohen recently about technology and potential new breakthrough products and what could be the next big thing. We realized there was a concept that could lead to such a breakthrough, a can’t miss product.

By way of background, in 2018 now-Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Green intimated that California wildfires may have been caused by Jewish laser beams from space. This was widely reported on the Internet and continues to be subject to comments and discussion among certain Internet-based groups. The Congresswoman has been embraced by Republican leadership in the House of Representatives, lending credence to her theories. And if it is on the Internet, many believe it must be true.

So David and I decided we need to start a company to make and sell Jewish laser beams from space. No one else is making these potentially highly useful tools, and David is Jewish so we should be good to go.

Fundraising For The Next Big Thing – Easy!

Fundraising should not be a problem. Private investors no longer require profits or even an existing product. Many of the recent IPO’s are richly valued based on a concept; few seem to actually make money. And financial gurus on Wall Street have developed SPACs – Special Purpose Acquisition Companies – that do not own any underlying business. They are highly popular with investors. This is perfect for our Laser Beam business.

Government funding should complement private investment. The Government has been funding fission research for years, including at least $2 billion of Department of Energy grants with no discernible success or even progress. But a couple of billion dollars seems like small change compared to our laser beam potentials.

When the Department of Defense finds out Iran is working on a Muslim space-based laser beam, DARPA (Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency) will certainly be moving fast to fund our version. And when the Government finds out the Chinese have hacked our website looking for our product specs, the whole Government will be alerted as to the importance of our efforts.

Sorry, China but our specs remain inaccessible until we develop them.

Hmmm. A Next Big Thing Board of Directors

We probably need a prestigious Board of Directors to give us credibility. Board members do not need to know anything about technology or laser beams, and knowing less is probably helpful. Theranos, the blood-testing company that faked results, was worth billions partly because of their distinguished Board who knew nothing about the product including Henry Kissinger, George Schultz, Gen. James Mattis, former Senator Sam Nunn, and many others.

Possible Board members for the laser beam company could include Hunter Biden and Donald Trump Jr, who seem to enjoy positions in which they have little knowledge.

We need a production facility and can likely trigger a bidding contest between states desiring to be the location of the only space-based laser beam company in the world. Wisconsin and South Carolina would be good candidates from which to solicit free land, building subsidies, and tax relief. Wisconsin gave Foxconn $3 billion to build a factory in Racine County. South Carolina has provided car manufacturers, aviation industry companies, and others billions of dollars of subsidies.

Appealing to Both Sides of the Aisle

Speaking of Donald Trump, we believe we can gain the former President’s support and fund-raising help if we suggest the laser beams would be potentially effective at eliminating Republicans who voted to impeach Mr. Trump. His former lawyer apparently convinced millions of supporters that Hugo Chavez was behind the effort to steal the election even though Chavez had been dead for many years. Even Fox News widely reported this accusation. Trump appears to believe whatever reinforces his ideas and getting rid of Republican opponents may be too good to pass up. 

Similarly, anti-abortion advocates may be attracted if they thought the laser beams could eliminate family planning clinics. There is almost no limit to the potential uses of these laser beams after the technology is perfected.

The Next Big Thing: A Can’t Miss Product by @scottmacnotes #NextBigThing #product #satire

If we can move quickly, we think our laser beams are definitely considered infrastructure and could be part of President Biden’s four trillion dollar packages to Congress. If 5G and electric car chargers and even senior caregivers are infrastructure, why not laser beams?

As far as product distribution, we do not need a sales force or even much of a workforce. We intend to distribute through Amazon. Amazon will even permit preorders before the device is developed as long as they can guarantee buyers will be charged no more than the preorder price and any price reduction will be passed through to early buyers. We are okay with this.

The Next Big Thing Concept – What Do You Think?

So that’s the concept. We take a product that has already been reviewed favorably on the Internet, raise lots of money from multiple sources following well-traveled and documented paths, obtain Government support and related credibility, cut a deal with a state to subsidize any future facility, acquire political support and maybe even become a cause, and began an investigation into the feasibility of developing a product while becoming rich.

Maybe we should add Hugo Chavez to our Board?

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(1) comment

Lydia June 28, 2021

You have a great sense of humour!

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